Way-Too-Early 2023 Power Rankings
Dearest fellas, we’re a few months out from the 2023 rookie draft and 52 days away from NFL kickoff, so that can mean only one thing: it’s time for the Way-Too-Early Power Rankings + Predictions for the 2023 season. Like last year, I’ve broken the predicted finishes into four tiers based on a super secret and unbiased algorithm.
In 2022, our biggest under-performer was Rob, and our biggest over-performer was Liam. Who will crumble under the weight of expectations this year, and who will emerge as a contender?
TIER 1: Cream of the Crop
Alfonso Garcia: Despite his talents as a team manager and player motivator, Coach Alfonso has a well-known track record of bad luck in fantasy football. I’m going out on a limb and predicting that Alfonso’s hardships end in 2023, and he leaves the year with a trophy. Alfonso has studs in his starting lineup and the depth to withstand a few untimely injuries, so I predict this team goes far.
Dillon Thoma: The inaugural champion is still hanging in there, with a formidable team of old reliables (with emphasis on old). Anchored by Pat Mahomes, this team might keep kicking for a few more years, unfortunately.
Eric Brill: Eric has been kicking around near the top for the past two seasons. His team is absolutely stacked at WR, RB, and TE, thanks to some kind… donations, but the QB room is in shambles. If he can get some warm bodies in there or there is a timely Kyler recovery, watch out.
🏅Most Fragile Ranking
Jon Sion: Some might see it as a slight to put the reigning champ at #4, but a few big question marks at RB and WR suggest otherwise. Jalen Hurts will surely put up big points, but what will 2023 bring the likes of Alvin Kamara, Michael Thomas, David Montgomery, AJ Dillon, and Keenan Allen? I’d be a little nervous.
TIER 2: Knocking at the door
Jack Schowalter: Coach Schowalter hired a new management team in 2022, and there’s fresh optimism going around the clubhouse for the 2023 season. To quote an old friend of Brother Albrecht, Jack’s QB room has “never been more full,” with four potential starters that all have rushing upside. The WR room looks a little soggy, but with any luck, Team Schowalter will go deep into the playoffs.
🏅Dark Horse Championship Candidate
Logan Billet: Is it too bold to project myself into playoff contention after two dreadful years? Perhaps, but management expects big things out of this team. Hopefully, the adding some new RB power will cover up weaknesses at TE and the lack of a top-notch WR, but only time will tell.
🏅Most likely to Finish 7th
Alex Venezia: “Let’s Ride” rode from a championship appearance in 2021 to relative obscurity in 2022 with the decline of Russell Wilson. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Coach Venezia squeeze into the playoffs with a bounce back from a few key players and perhaps a second-year jump from Kenny Two Gloves.
🏅Most Likely to Sneak into Playoffs
TIER 3: Stuck in the middle
Rob Stiefvater: It’s been a tough few years for coach Rob, who has a talented young team that has caught the injury bug. If things bounce right, Rob could make the playoffs in 2023, and watch out for an ascension in 2024/25.
Carl Pohlman: Delt Dynasty Santa Claus could be sitting on a squad of Travis Kelce, Ja’Marr Chase, and Garrett Wilson, in addition to Josh Allen+. Alas. Carl has enough talent to keep him off the bottom, so that’s something.
🏅Most Likely to Make a Questionable Trade
TIER 4: The Bottom Feeders
Eddie Opalko: After a lofty 2022 projection that never came to fruition, Eddie appears to be in rebuild mode, so it’s no surprise to find him down here. Is #CrashForCaleb in motion?
🏅Most Likely to Purposefully Crash for Caleb
Matt Massucci: Sooch hasn’t had much luck to date, with two bottom 6 finishes. Justin Jefferson will provide a win or two, but will that be enough?
🏅Most Likely to Accidentally Crash for Caleb
Liam McKersie: It might seem controversial to put Liam below Sooch given his strong WR core, but Liam has some clear weaknesses at QB2, TE, RB2, and the flex. He may not end up in last, but a playoff push would be a long shot.